How Does One Prevent Themselves From Walking on Eggshells

As a Domestic Violence advocate I have seen and heard many horrific stories in my lifetime. I have also dealt with them over time and each one leaves you feeling like, if I could only have done more and sooner. But that is not always the case. We all do what we can to the best of our abilities.

There is a situation at the present time that really has me baffled as to how to handle and deal with the victims. The husband says he loves his wife when things are good. Oh boy, what a thing for a husband to say about his wife, how cruel can you get?

The small children in the house have to be quiet at all times, they are not really allowed to make noise when playing, how sick is that, to expect a 2 and a 5 yr old to remain very quiet at all times and not be a kid, or they must play in their room upstairs, but remain quiet.

The wife actually cooks, cleans, pays the bills and does everything possible to make her husband and family happy, but the husband says she does not live up to his standards. Man what standards? No one should have to live this way in their own home no less.

The husband, yes he works, but when he comes home he expects his dinner served to him on a plate so all he has to do is sit down and eat it. He shows no respect for his family in any way, when he is home, he also spends most of his time on the Internet watching End of the World, Survival videos on YouTube. He is obsessed with this and has even gone to the extent of packing food in 5 gallon buckets so that when that time comes, he will have food to eat. He is obsessed with Zombies, that they are going to take over after the world has ended.

This man is just not happy at all and says that divorce is not an option, because he does not believe in it. He does have these periods of terrific sanity, but they only last a few days and it is right back to the same ole ways. The wife is really at her wits end on how to deal and says that she stays with him because she does not have the finances to leave him. It is a trying situation and I am the last person to tell someone what to do, I only lend advice and I always tell my victims, the decision is theirs and theirs alone, but I am there for them no matter what choice they make, I will stand with them no matter what.

When this couple first began their relationship it was, like all, pleasant and he did everything to try and please her. He gained her confidence and they decided to marry, then wham, the good times were over. He has to be in control of everything, follows her around the house wanting to know who she is talking to on the phone, does things to be sneaky, takes things that are hers and uses them for himself, he always wants to know what she is receiving in the mail, even gives her these horrible looks and talks under his breath, or tries to say things to her through songs on the computer. This is way over the limit and I too am at my wits end as to how to handle this vile situation. He does treat everyone else differently, when they are out and about, he seems to be this super wonderful loving husband and caring father, but behind closed doors, he is a totally different person and has even said, this is who I am and I am not going to change, get over it.

The wife has literally bent over backwards to try and keep peace and harmony in the family, but I see it in her eyes, her heart is being destroyed and shattered and I am at a total loss as to how to help bring her back. She feels at this point that she is nothing more than a maid and a sounding board to this man. He has yet to get actually physically violent, but verbal abuse can be worse because bumps and bruises will heal over time, but psychological bruises never heal. She is very strong, but even the strongest break at some point and I do not want this to happen.

The latest thing to happen was, the family all set down to eat, each adult made their own plate, the husband was watching something on TV, about the end of time and zombies and refused to eat with the family because she did not make his plate for him and set it on the table. He shows her no respect, no compassion and only has hurtful and mean things to say.


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